No Regrets

December 8th, 2018

“At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal.  You will regret time not spent with a husband, a child, a friend, a parent.”   Barbara Bush

 

This quote came across my Facebook today.  It’s a rather simple sentiment, and yet so very wise.  What matters the most in life?  Of course it’s spending time with those who mean the most to you.

 

Now, with it being finals week for my kids at college, I would not want to say, “Don’t study for that test, because the results really don’t matter.”  Because trying your best at everything in life is also part of growing.

 

But in the long run, what will we remember?  What will we cherish?

 

This was a year that I wasn’t really ready to talk about until now.  I put my photography business on the back burner this summer.  In June, for the second time in my life, I was diagnosed with cancer.  Even as I type right now, it still seems surreal.  For some reason, my life has been filled with many health issues.  I’d like to say I have no idea why.  But, I think I kind of know.  My experiences have made my husband a better physician so that he may, in turn, help others.  But I can’t lie, I think he’s learned enough through me already.  My soul is tired of this….

 

As we were getting ready for a graduation party and an exciting softball season, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I didn’t publicize it.  Very few close family and friends knew because, honestly, I was embarrassed.  I had been helped so much in the past when I had Hodgkins lymphoma.  I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone.  I got through it & I am now clear.

 

I am sharing this now perhaps because I guess I’m finally willing to let go of the pain.

 

I am back to working in my studio and focusing on the things that really matter to me.   At the end of your life, what will you regret?

 

Al and I have already made attempts starting this last summer to get out of our comfort zones and do more, to have more experiences.  We have had friends over for dinner or gone out to eat.  I have made more effort to go out to lunch with people who matter to me.  I made my husband, who likes to stay clear of crowds, go to the county fair every day and attend his first demolition derby.  We will continue to look for more experiences to spend time with our friends and family.

 

I look at the pictures of these goofballs and know just how very blessed am I.

 

We spend our lives getting sucked into work and obligations, and these things are very important.  At the same time, we have intended to have fun experiences with our family and friends, many of which have been pushed to the wayside of “someday.”

 

When is “someday?”  What if “someday” never happens?

 

So, we are finally looking at scheduling that vacation, going to that concert, having those friends over to eat, calling that person I haven’t seen in a while…  I have a list.  🙂  This is the beginning of the rest of our lives with No Regrets!

 

 

Wishes & Dreams

March 14th, 2018

 

Today, I was in Des Moines and wandered for a bit in Jordan Creek Mall.  While I was there, I came upon a little box.  I knew that I needed to purchase this for my daughter.  The top simply said, “Wishes Box.”  When the lid was opened, it revealed a message, “Encourage yourself for your journey to be the best version of you.  Write down your goals, dreams & wishes.  Read them back, remind yourself of what you want & who you want to  be.”

 

When I presented this to my daughter after I returned this afternoon, she said, “This is what you have always told us, Mom!  Write down your dreams!”

 

This is a lesson I learned long ago, before books such as “The Secret” were published.

 

When I was young, my mom taught me the value in writing down my hopes and aspirations.  She told me that if I wrote down the things that I desired,  God would answer my requests.  So, I would take a sheet of paper and write down various goals and put the list in my Bible.  I would often forget I had put this list in my Bible or its cover.  When I would stumble upon it later, my wishes would have all come true.

 

Now my wishes were not things such as “win a million dollars” or “discover a cure for cancer.”  They were personal goals or types of people I wanted to come into my life.  Although truthfully, there really are no restrictions one has to put on a “Wish List.”

 

This not so small lesson that my mom taught me is one that I have passed on to my children.  Truthfully, I don’t know why these things come to fruition.  I do believe that when you put your feelings and requests into writing, there within lies a power.  It may be that now that the universe knows your request, it chooses to answer you.  Maybe it’s because now that you are aware of your goals, you personally work harder with focus.  It could be purely God’s almighty power granting your wishes.  It could be a combination of all of thee above.  I just know that this absolutely works and is true.

 

Years ago, when I ran my Longaberger business, I deliberately wrote down my goals at the beginning of each year.  Without fail, I would achieve them.  When I started my photography business, I wrote down every aspect that I wanted to incorporate into my studio.  Once again, every year I achieved these goals.

 

I have now witnessed my children incorporate this principal into their own lives.  They would volunteer that they had written down their goals or I would ask them if they had a chance, yet, to make their “List.”

 

Now, as powerful as I know this is, I haven’t written down my personal goals in a couple of years.  After my former experiences, it’s silly, right?  Truth?  I’m not really sure what my goals are right now and I haven’t wanted to take the time to really, REALLY, think about what I want.  That takes personal insight.  I’m getting closer to knowing what I want to do…  I will take the time to really assess what I want when my kids go to college this fall.

 

I do know what I want for my children, though.  Go figure….  🙂   I want them to achieve their personal goals (their list is private), whatever those goals may be.  I want them to attract beautiful spirits into their lives. I want them to find meaningful love and to always be surrounded by family and friends who have their best interests at heart.  I want them to be healthy and happy.  The list isn’t long, but it contains the meaty, important things.

 

My personal list?….  It’s coming….

 

 

 

 

The Countdown..

March 4th, 2018

It’s coming closer, it’s the way it’s supposed to be, I celebrate the changes, and at the same time I mourn a little.  I’m no different than any other mom and don’t ask for or expect sympathy.  When your life has evolved around your children’s lives for the last 21 years and your youngest is about to embark onto the next phase of her life, it’s scary for her and it is scary as a mom.

 

First the questions arise,  “Did I do everything I should have?  Did I say the right things?  Did I offer good advice?”

 

But then there is another aspect to this new phase.  A personal reflection and honestly some fear.  My identity has evolved around being Mom for 21 years.  And of course I am still Mom, but it’s different when you are not involved on a day-to-day basis.  I will now have more personal time.  What will I do with that time?

 

Well, I know first, I am going to clean my house, as in REALLY clean/purge.  Everything is coming out of every closet, every drawer, every cabinet one room at a time. I will be putting these items into the middle of each room and I will be sorting like none other, armed with garbage bags.  “Do I use this?  Does this bring me joy?”  If not, it’s gone.

 

But after that, what will I do?  There is some fear.

 

I’ve been through this before, with our son.  We dropped him off at college.  I sobbed the whole way home.  But then, I dove back into being there for our daughter and watching her participate in her many activities.

 

Empty nest….  I’ve been asked many times how am I going to handle it?  I don’t know…

 

Will I expand my photography business?  Will I do less?  I know I want to learn some more skills…  I have an interest in digital painting…  Will I volunteer?  Will I do something else?  I’m used to this busy pace that I have lived for the last many years.  Will I like a slower pace?  Will I want to stay as busy?

 

Things I will not miss – hours of bleacher sitting with my bad back, traveling many hours for sports events (although, honestly that isn’t done, yet, either with our son’s college track schedule.)

 

Well, for right now I will take a big breath & try to relax in the midst of my anxiety.  Here’s something I can exercise – meditation (I almost typed medication) and a friend has been teaching me more about essential oils.

 

I am concentrating on our daughter’s upcoming events.  PROM! Her dress is GORGEOUS!  We are making hair, make-up, nail appointments.  She will be BREATHTAKING!!!  I’m so excited for her!  GRADUATION PARTY!  I love decorating and her event will be filled with pictures, large and small!  GRADUATION DAY!  Oh, man, my eyes just welled with tears, okay not welling, running down my face just thinking about it.  I am so very proud of her!  SPORTS!  Track followed by her favorite, softball!  COLLEGE ORIENTATION and MOVING DAY!

 

Changes abound for her and for me.  One never stops being a parent, children need their parents at every age, it just changes….

 

There has to be a few more things to look forward to, I’m just not sure what they all are, yet.  I see grandchildren in the future!  🙂  But no one is ready for that, yet!  One day at a time… it’s going to be okay!

An Anniversary

November 10th, 2017

This year has been a good year!  We have experienced many moments of joy in 2017!   This year also marks an important anniversary.

 

There is one part of my past that occasionally comes up in conversation, but usually I try to tuck in the back of my memories because it was painful.  Cancer – the word that nobody ever wants to hear.  I was shocked to hear it when I was 29 years old and 30 weeks pregnant with my first child, our son, Bo.

 

It did not seem fair to mix what should have been nothing but a joyful moment, the birth of our son, with staging of my Hodgkin’s lymphoma- having my spleen removed along with my 35 week infant.  The year 1996 was one of the most stressful years of my husband’s and my life.  We moved to a new town when Bo was 3 weeks old, my husband began his career in family practice, we had a baby with colic, we settled a new home, and I began 7 months of chemotherapy.  The treatments would wipe me out for days.  Church volunteers took over watching our son on these post-chemo days.

 

We somehow got through it all.  And 3 years later, God blessed us with the most amazing gift, our lovely daughter Emma.  She is a true miracle to us because there were no promises I would be able to have any more children after everything my body had endured.

 

So it is worth noting that 2017 marks my 20th ANNIVERSARY OF BEING CANCER-FREE!  I have the most amazing family I could ask for and I have more blessings than I ever thought were  possible!  I am so very thankful!

Revisiting the Past

September 18th, 2017

 

This weekend, Al & I went to see our son run for UNI in a cross country meet in Madison, WI.  I have to admit, when I found out that we would be going back to Madison, I was excited!  For we lived there when our marriage was new and our lives were young.

 

The cross country meet took place on Saturday, September 16th at 10:30 a.m.  The meet was over around noon.  I looked at Al and said, “Let’s check out State Street!”

 

State Street is a walking street in Madison that leads up to the state capital.  We had not been there since we moved in 1993.

 

We married in August of 1989 after we graduated from Luther College in Decorah, IA.  It was 2 weeks before Al’s medical school started.  We moved to a sketchy part of town, because it was all we could afford.  Al began medical school and I worked days, nights, and weekends to assist in making our ends meet.

 

It was a very hard time in our lives, we had immense amounts of stress surrounding us.

 

We found refuge during this time by walking State Street hand-in-hand, looking at the unique shops, listening to the street musicians, and getting an ice cream cone.  On an occasional Saturday morning, we would check out the farmer’s market.  We would get a bag of cheese curds (so fresh they squeezed!) and a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade.

 

Last Saturday, when we arrived at State Street, I was so excited.  “The farmer’s market is still going on!”  It felt like a wonderful dream!  I could not imagine when, with our busy schedules and the 5-hour drive, we would ever make it up to the farmer’s market around the capital.

 

We celebrated by getting a bag of cheese curds, munching (or should I say squeaking) our way around the square.  Our visit was but a couple of hours, but the happiness remains with me!

 

A Year Ago

July 25th, 2017

A year ago yesterday, I leaned down and kissed my dad for the last time.  He held my hand tight as I said it never feels like the right time to say good-bye.  Our hands remained held and outstretched as I walked toward the door, and finally they separated.  As my family and I drove back to our home in Algona from his hospital room in Omaha, I knew it was the last time I was going see him.

 

A year ago this morning, I talked to my dad for the last time.  He answered his phone when I called to see how he was feeling that day.  He shared with me that his uncontrollable shaking the day before was caused by an infection.  He also said that it was very serious.  Quickly, our call ended because a doctor came into his room.

 

A year ago this afternoon, my youngest sister called me.  She told me that she and our mom had gone to Omaha.  My sister had a busy day planned, but my mom had a strong feeling she would need my sister with her that day.  They had reached the hospital and dad was going into surgery, everything was going fine and dad had made it out okay.  Not so long later, I received a message that things were not going okay.  Dad was having complications and my siblings were heading to Omaha from our home town of Audubon.

 

A year ago around 7:00 p.m., I received a call from my middle sister.  We were going to loose my dad that night.  I hung up the phone and wept.

 

A year ago tonight, my mom, my siblings, and my nieces and nephews gathered around my dad while he lay asleep breathing deeply.  They talked to him and told him how much they loved him and sang church hymns around him.  I took a pill to relax me that night and laid in bed trying to maybe get a little sleep.  I felt terrible not being there.  The 4 hour trip was not going to be possible and I didn’t know if I would make it in time.  I laid and visualized the scene.  I was there in spirit.

 

A year ago after midnight, my dad became restless.  My mom stroked his hand and told him she loved him and that it was okay for him to leave.  She would be with him as soon as she could.

 

A year ago somewhere around 3:30 a.m. – I don’t remember the exact time anymore – I received a call from my middle sister saying that Dad had just passed away peacefully.

 

A year ago tomorrow, my dad was with God in paradise.

 

This past year has gone quickly in some ways and in some ways it seems like a long time ago.   I have spent the last few days reflecting on our loss.  I can still hear Dad talking to me.   I can still visualize how happy he was at my mom and dad’s 50th anniversary a few months earlier.  I can still picture him laughing…  My comfort comes in knowing that I will see him again.  I look forward to that day, just not yet.  I find joy in knowing that he has many other family members and friends with him and he is so very happy right now.  I rejoice that  he has made a point of giving me signs that he is around.  Thank you for that, Dad!  I miss you and I love you!

Challenges

June 29th, 2017

These past couple of weeks, I decided to challenge myself.

 

My daughter is currently in softball.  I have created many collages for clients, but I have never created a collage of a team.  So during recent games, I took time to capture images of all of the girls on the team.

 

Each collage I create is an individual work of art,  I’m never quite sure what the final product is going to look like until I start playing on the computer and manipulating the images.  I was pleased with how this came together.  I think the softball girls were happy with this poster, too!

 

 

A Brownie

March 19th, 2017

 

I was playing around in the studio this week with my Nikon camera.  This is my first attempt, admitted rough, at light painting.  I took a class a couple of weeks ago in Pennsylvania on this topic.  The lighting in this image is done with an led flashlight, a led panel, and modifiers.  Then pieces of individually lit areas are put together in photoshop.  I picked a rather difficult first object to paint with light.  There isn’t a lot of character to the shape of this camera and metal is hard to use this technique on, especially for a beginner.  I wanted see what I could do with this camera for sentimental reasons.  It belonged to my Grandma.  In fact, it still has some long, lost film inside.  I don’t know how to access it and I don’t want to break the camera body.  This technique is new to me and I am making a few goofs, but I am giving it a try.  Anxious to see how my next subject turns out!

Perseverance

February 28th, 2017

This last year was a trying year for our son, and in turn, a trying year for his parents.

 

Our son was born to run!

 

Our son’s senior year of high school was difficult for this runner.  The fall  brought a bleeding ulcer during the cross country season.  While he recovered toward the end of the season, he never got back to 100% before the season ended.  During track season the following spring, he suffered an ankle injury which, despite physical therapy, did not seem to  heal completely.

 

He went to UNI on a running scholarship in the fall of 2015.  He would run, and then his ankle injury would flare up again.  After 3 MRI’s in his freshman year of college, physicians in Iowa City discovered the cause of his problems – a torn tendon, an extra tendon, and bone spurs.  He had ankle surgery in May of 2016.

 

Here we are today.  He is running again!  He is running his heart out!  He is working to make up lost time.  His distance medley team just got 3rd place in his conference.  We are so looking forward to continue watching him pursue his academic and athletic dreams!

Seasons

February 16th, 2017

In our home, there has been 4 seasons for many years – track, softball, cross country, and basketball.

 

Tonight was the end of a great girl’s basketball season at Algona High School.  Our girls had an amazing year and have much to be proud of!  They worked extremely hard and played as a team with a 18 and 5 overall record.  Congratulations on a great season!

 

Now we are on to track season…..

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