The Countdown..

March 4th, 2018

It’s coming closer, it’s the way it’s supposed to be, I celebrate the changes, and at the same time I mourn a little.  I’m no different than any other mom and don’t ask for or expect sympathy.  When your life has evolved around your children’s lives for the last 21 years and your youngest is about to embark onto the next phase of her life, it’s scary for her and it is scary as a mom.

 

First the questions arise,  “Did I do everything I should have?  Did I say the right things?  Did I offer good advice?”

 

But then there is another aspect to this new phase.  A personal reflection and honestly some fear.  My identity has evolved around being Mom for 21 years.  And of course I am still Mom, but it’s different when you are not involved on a day-to-day basis.  I will now have more personal time.  What will I do with that time?

 

Well, I know first, I am going to clean my house, as in REALLY clean/purge.  Everything is coming out of every closet, every drawer, every cabinet one room at a time. I will be putting these items into the middle of each room and I will be sorting like none other, armed with garbage bags.  “Do I use this?  Does this bring me joy?”  If not, it’s gone.

 

But after that, what will I do?  There is some fear.

 

I’ve been through this before, with our son.  We dropped him off at college.  I sobbed the whole way home.  But then, I dove back into being there for our daughter and watching her participate in her many activities.

 

Empty nest….  I’ve been asked many times how am I going to handle it?  I don’t know…

 

Will I expand my photography business?  Will I do less?  I know I want to learn some more skills…  I have an interest in digital painting…  Will I volunteer?  Will I do something else?  I’m used to this busy pace that I have lived for the last many years.  Will I like a slower pace?  Will I want to stay as busy?

 

Things I will not miss – hours of bleacher sitting with my bad back, traveling many hours for sports events (although, honestly that isn’t done, yet, either with our son’s college track schedule.)

 

Well, for right now I will take a big breath & try to relax in the midst of my anxiety.  Here’s something I can exercise – meditation (I almost typed medication) and a friend has been teaching me more about essential oils.

 

I am concentrating on our daughter’s upcoming events.  PROM! Her dress is GORGEOUS!  We are making hair, make-up, nail appointments.  She will be BREATHTAKING!!!  I’m so excited for her!  GRADUATION PARTY!  I love decorating and her event will be filled with pictures, large and small!  GRADUATION DAY!  Oh, man, my eyes just welled with tears, okay not welling, running down my face just thinking about it.  I am so very proud of her!  SPORTS!  Track followed by her favorite, softball!  COLLEGE ORIENTATION and MOVING DAY!

 

Changes abound for her and for me.  One never stops being a parent, children need their parents at every age, it just changes….

 

There has to be a few more things to look forward to, I’m just not sure what they all are, yet.  I see grandchildren in the future!  🙂  But no one is ready for that, yet!  One day at a time… it’s going to be okay!

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